I was sitting in my room, playing my millionth game of Candy Crush to distract my brain and felt the tears just falling down my cheeks. Even though my brain was connected to the game, my mind was dwelling on last night and the hurt/anger I was allowing to fester there. I knew that’s why I was on the game, I purposely chose to play because of it but still my mind would not let go of last night. What was there stewing there I’m sure you are wondering?

My granddaughter, B, wanted her mom, C (my adult daughter) to take her down this road near our house that is supposed to be haunted. I immediately felt excited and wanted to go also, but my daughter remarked that she thought B just wanted it to be her and B. I could understand that, disappointed but understandable because my daughter is working on strengthening her relationship with her teenage daughter. What I couldn’t understand is that seconds later, I found out my daughter’s half-sister was going, so not just B and C. Now, how juvenile do you have to be to be so hurt by this?

If it had been the first time B shut me out, I think I would have been okay. Maybe even several times. However, since she hit preteen and teen, it has been more and more difficult to connect with her and I find myself being shuttled away not only by B but by my daughter. Pushed to side, not invited to do things, not included in conversations or little trips. I have mentioned my feelings about this to my daughter, in fact we have had some pretty powerful arguments about it. Things change for a bit, then go right back to the same old ways.

To me, it seems as if all this started when my daughter found her biological dad. I suddenly was extraneous. The extra parent she didn’t need because she had super dad, D. He’s everything I’m not. I have expectations for my daughter: I want her to be a strong, independent, self-reliant woman who can stand on her own two feet and not rely on a man to take care of her, as she has had some very bad relationships, that hurt her so badly that it took her years to come back somewhat from the damage they did. D has no expectations, he supports her fully, monetarily, emotionally, never gets mad, never tells her she’s wrong, even when she’s being mean to him. I call her out. He never does. I’m the bad guy.

So here I am again, shut in my room, living with 6 other people and lonelier than I have ever been in my life. This isn’t about sympathy, this about what do I do? How do I fix it?

Can I? Or should I?